


Softness is...

by loud_as_lions



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Invasion of Privacy, M/M, also contains, and bro bonding, as per usual dex's family is kinda sucky, or at least his dad, read the notes before reading i'll outline better there, there's also fluff, yikes i suck at tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 07:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17178686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loud_as_lions/pseuds/loud_as_lions
Summary: It was all Nursey’s fault, really. Before Dex moved in with him, he’d never written a word of poetry in his life. But Nurse wrote like his life depended on it. It even impressed Dex, if he was being honest. But now he had a whole notebook full of poetry. He was CS major for crying out loud. This was practically treason. And, even worse, they all are about or because of Derek Nurse.





	Softness is...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! I'm supposed to be working on my poetry thesis, so I'm procrastinating by making both these soft boys write soft poetry. That can count, right?
> 
> This fic does include: an invasion of privacy, some issues related to homophobia- both from others as well as internalized, struggles with self-image and finding/being oneself, family expectations and issues, coming out, and a whole lot of poetry. Not all of it is contained in this first chapter, but I figured I'd outline it all here just in case!
> 
> Also, all poetry throughout this fic, good or not, is my original work. Please do not steal it!

     “Hey, Dex?” Nursey called from their shared desk. It was a mess; looseleaf papers everywhere, a whole rainbow of sticky notes, and so many notebooks that if you stacked them all they’d be taller than their owner.

     Sometimes Nursey felt bad for taking over their desk like this since it was supposed to be a shared space. But, since most of Dex’s classes were computer-based, he just didn’t have many paper products to take up desk space. If he did, Derek would’ve downsized. Or, at least organized better. Luckily, this seemed to be the one thing about their room sharing that Dex didn’t mind.

     “Dexxxx,” Nursey called again, still shuffling through the various notebooks. Then, finally, his eyes found the one he was looking for, and he sighed in relief. “Nevermind!” he shouted, just in case Dex was somewhere in earshot, wondering what the hell he was yelling about.

     Derek opened the black spiral-bound notebook to the first page and… there was writing on it. Writing that wasn’t his. It was a big, sloppy chicken scratch that Derek had become increasingly familiar with over the past few months.

     Dex had very distinct handwriting that Nursey couldn’t help think matched his personality. When he slowed down and wrote really carefully, it was shockingly pretty. But, since most of the time Dex wrote quickly, just trying to get through whatever he was doing, it came out messy, in mostly capital letters, and barely legible. He was one of those guys whose writing could be confused with an elementary school kid’s. It always made Derek smirk. Because Dex was so anal about everything else being perfect, he found it sort of cute that his handwriting wasn’t.

     Derek scanned over the page, trying to see how good he was getting at reading his roommate’s writing. It took him half the page to realize that what he was reading was… a poem. An original one, judging by all of the words scratched out and replaced. The final product was this:

_softness is an overlooked kind of strength_

_men especially find it hard to embrace_

_to allow ourselves to be seen as soft_

_girly_

_weak_

_that's what I was always taught_

_ingrained into my brain by those toxic enough to believe it_

_I was one of them for so long_

     He couldn’t stop reading it. In Dex’s voice, no less. It was so clearly and unabashedly him. Nursey couldn’t believe it. But, then again, he could. He knew Dex had it in him, he just never thought the other boy would actually sit down and put any of his potential on paper in a medium that Nursey was familiar with.

     He realized, too, there was a date at the top of the page. Just after they’d come back from Thanksgiving break, if Nursey was remembering right. Which… holy shit.

* * *

 

     They hadn’t talked a lot over break outside of the SMH chat, and then their separate Frogs chat. But, when they had, it was clear Dex wasn’t enjoying his time at home. He didn’t say specifically why, but it was clear to both Nursey and Chowder that the third of their trio needed some severe cheering up once the semester commenced.

     When they’d all respectively come back from break, Dex had brought his sour mood with him. It had taken all of ten minutes of being back from break before Nursey annoyed the reason out of him, though.

     “It just wasn’t a great break, okay, Nurse?” Dex sighed, pretty much throwing the clothes out of his duffle bag and onto his bed.

     Nursey frowned. “Well, that much we could tell.”

     Dex made one of his many irritated sounds. (Since knowing Dex, Nursey had counted 13 different ones). “Come on, Dexy. We’re friends now, right? You can tell me.”

     Dex remained silent, refolding his clothes and heading over the dresser to put them away.

     “You just seem like you really need to get it out, that’s all.” Nursey pointed out, making his way back up the ladder to his own bunk.

     It was a few moments after Nursey had settled into his bed when Dex finally took a deep breath.

     “I’m a different person at home than I am when I’m here.” He finally said.

     Nursey didn’t look at him, didn’t even move his glance from the ceiling, in case that’s what made Dex feel comfortable enough to start talking.

     “That guy I was first-semester freshman year? I’m not him anymore. That… that shows, right?” Dex asked, and Nursey knew this one needed an answer.

     “We wouldn’t be friends if it didn’t.” Nursey assured him.

     He could hear the relief of confirmation in Dex’s voice as he continued. “But, at home, that’s still who I have to be. That’s who they expect, and it was hard enough to be that guy when I was there full time. But now that I know who I really am, and I actually get to be myself most of the year? It’s just…” he paused, and Nursey knew it was to keep his voice steady when he continued. “It’s just gotten so much harder to pretend.”

     After a short silence, Nursey decided he wouldn’t scare Dex away if he spoke. “Don’t get mad, okay?” he began.

     “An optimistic way to start.” Dex snorted.

     “Is there any chance that you’re just worst-case-ing this?”

     Dex let out an airy chuckle. “Worst-case-ing? You’re the worst English major ever.” 

     “Shut up. I mean, like, maybe if you stopped pretending it wouldn’t be so bad? Maybe you’ve just avoided it for so long your brain is making it seem like a much bigger thing than it is.” Nursey shut his eyes, waiting for the explosion.

     But it didn’t come. Instead, Dex let out a dry chuckle. “Well, see. I thought of that, too.” Dex eventually said. “I’d hoped that was it. Which is why this time, I didn’t pretend.”

     Nursey opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Dex. He was still standing at his bureau, except now all the drawers were shut, and he was half-sitting on the edge. He didn’t look up at Nursey while he continued. “At least, not for the first day.”

     Nursey felt his heart sink, now worse-case-ing himself.

     Suddenly, something hit Nursey in the arm. He sat up, startled. One of the books for his poetry class was now sitting on his bed, Dex looking up at him. He raised a brow at the ginger boy, who sat down on his own bed. “I packed it by accident. It’s so small, it got caught in with the textbook I grabbed off the desk.”

     “Oh, chill. I thought I lost it.” Nursey said, laying back down.

     Dex wasn’t finished, though. “When I found it in my bag I thought: might as well give it a try. You’re so hooked on them. I read the first few while I had some downtime that first day and… my dad wasn’t thrilled.”

     “Fuck, Dex.” Nursey sighed. He moved toward the end of his bed slowly and made his way down the ladder. Dex was sitting on his bed, looking at his hands in his lap, more lost than Nursey had seen him in a long time. It made his heart ache.

     He sat gently beside Dex and put a tentative hand on his shoulder. “You know, this right now? You talking about your feelings. That’s new Dex. Real Dex. And I know that it’s still hard for you, and that your dad doesn’t agree. But this is a lot better than how you used to deal with things.”

     “I know that. It’s just so hard to remember after being home. Because I have to get into the opposite mindset. To lie to them, I’m… lying to myself, too.” Dex explained. He was leaning into Nursey’s touch now, just a little, but still refused to look at him. Nursey couldn’t tell from that angle if it was to keep himself from crying, or because he already was. He just rubbed Dex’s shoulder gently, unsure of what else to do.

     It seemed to suffice, though. They sat like that for a few minutes, and just when Nursey was thinking of scooting closer and putting his arm around Dex, the red-haired boy finally collected himself enough to look at his roommate. He looked okay, now. Not entirely- if someone who knew him well, like Chowder, or Bitty, they’d be able to tell he was upset. That the rims around his eyes were more red than pink. But he gave Nursey a small, half smile. “Thanks, Nurse.”

     “Got your back, man.” Nursey reassured, with one more rub of his friend’s shoulder. “I’m gonna go grab some pie. You want a slice?” he offered, standing up. Dex nodded, and Nursey grinned at him.

     He chatted with Bitty in the kitchen for a few minutes while he ate his slice of pie, figuring Dex could use a few minutes of privacy. Then, with Dex’s piece, he made his way back and found Dex curled up in bed, writing in a notebook. He gave Nursey a warm smile when he left the pie on his bed before climbing up to the top bunk. Nursey remembered drifting off before Dex had turned off his lamp, so who knows how long he was up- apparently, writing poetry. Writing the poem that Nurse was reading, right now.

* * *

 

     Derek felt like he couldn’t breathe. It was one thing to read the poem knowing it was Will’s- but to know when he wrote it, what it was about, how he’d practically been crying in Derek’s arms about it beforehand? It was too much. It felt so raw, so much so that Derek had to blink back tears. He also felt a strong swell of pride in his chest, though he wasn’t quite sure why. He’d deal with that another time.

     He thought, for a moment, about going through the rest of the notebook. He wasn’t sure if there was any more in it, but he felt too guilty about reading the first one to find out. Reluctantly, he put the notebook back where he’d found it, and continued digging around for his own black spiral bound.

     When he found it, he doodled some spirals on it in silver sharpie, to prevent further adventures into his roommate’s privacy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! I always appreciate every read, comment, and kudos. 
> 
> If you want to shriek about these hockey gays, you can find me on tumblr as: christopher-chowder-chow


End file.
